5 Ways We Teach Our Children Negative Attitudes and Behavior

As parents, caregivers, or role models, we want to raise respectful, kind, confident, and emotionally intelligent children. But sometimes, without even realizing it, we teach them the opposite. Children learn from what we say and—more importantly—from what we do. Here are five common ways we unintentionally pass on negative attitudes and behaviors to our children, with real-life examples.

1. Modeling Disrespectful Communication

Children are excellent imitators. They absorb and repeat those patterns when they observe adults handling conflict through yelling, name-calling, sarcasm, or passive-aggressive behavior.

Example: A parent frequently yells at customer service representatives or speaks rudely to their spouse. Over time, the child starts yelling at peers or talking back to teachers, thinking this is normal behavior.

Takeaway: Respectful communication begins at home. Demonstrating calm, assertive, and kind dialogue—even during disagreements—teaches children how to handle conflict maturely.

2. Reinforcing Gender or Racial Stereotypes

Biases often take subtle, socially accepted forms: jokes, generalizations, or outdated beliefs. When these are expressed around children, they are absorbed and internalized.

Example: A father tells his son, "Boys don't cry," or a mother says, "Girls just aren't good at math." These phrases teach children to suppress emotion or to believe in limitations based on gender.

Takeaway: Encourage children to explore their interests and express emotions freely, regardless of gender. Question stereotypes and model inclusivity in conversations and media choices.

3. Teaching Entitlement Through Lack of Boundaries

Children need structure and limits. We may be fostering entitlement when we give in to every demand to avoid tantrums or keep them constantly entertained.

Example: A child demands a toy at the store, and the parent buys it to avoid a scene. The child learns that throwing a tantrum leads to rewards.

Takeaway: Consistent boundaries teach patience, gratitude, and respect for others. Saying “no” lovingly is an important part of parenting.

4. Passing Down Prejudices or Biases

Children hear everything. Casual remarks about certain ethnicities, social classes, or belief systems—whether said in anger or jest—shape their worldview.

Example: A parent says, "Those people are always lazy," or avoids certain neighborhoods while making negative comments. The child absorbs these biases and carries them into their social interactions.

Takeaway: Teach children to value others and empathy. Expose them to different cultures, ideas, and perspectives. Challenge your own assumptions out loud so they learn to do the same.

5. Avoiding Accountability (Blaming Others)

Blaming others for personal issues or mistakes teaches children to do the same. Taking responsibility is a crucial life skill.

Example: A parent says, “My boss is just out to get me,” after being corrected at work, or blames teachers when a child misbehaves in school. The child learns to dodge responsibility and blame others.

Takeaway: Model humility and accountability. If you make a mistake, own it and discuss what you learned. This shows children that growth comes from honest self-reflection.

Raising emotionally intelligent and respectful children takes intentional effort. It starts with us—our words, tone, actions, and values. By becoming more mindful of the behaviors we model, we can break cycles of negativity and build a healthier, more compassionate future for our children.

Our children are always watching, learning, and becoming. Let’s be intentional about our legacy in their hearts and minds. Change starts with awareness.

Be more aware and develop a more motivating presence. Read “12 Steps to Sophisticated Manipulation.”